When I helped my cat P.C. (PC is short for Perfect Cat) transition in October of 2007, it was one of the hardest and at the SAME time easiest things that I have ever done in my life.
P.C. was at the end of her life, she had a tumor on her back leg that in 2 months time grew to the size of a ping pong ball.
However she has happy, eating, playing and by all accounts healthy if you were to look at her.
I communicated with her daily and she was as sharp witted, intelligent, funny as the day I first meet her 15 years earlier.
Then suddenly she wasn’t and we knew that it was time.
This clarity came over me, this was the moment that I had dreaded for the last 15 years. There was no closing my eyes and wishing it away, there was no pretending that she was going to get through this.
I knew what I had to do and that she needed me to do it for her, to help her. A calm came over me the ANSWER became easy. You have to help her and THAT is what I focused on, and in doing that it became easier, to take the next steps.
The night before she passed away she slept in-between my husband and I, and we kept vigil knowing that our wonderful vet was coming first thing in the morning to our home, to help our friend into the next realm.
The last few hours were some of the most challenging ones that I can remember, the cancer had spread and fast, she could not go to the bathroom, I putsoft cloth between her legs so catch the urine. She was not eating (and BELIEVE me when I tell you the cat LOVED food!), She could not drink, so I would give her a small syringe (without the needle) of water just to keep her mouth and tongue from drying out.
When you are dealing with such a situation, we sometimes tend to focus on what we DID or did NOT do. So, from time to time I would tune into her and begin to say something like “PC I am so sorry that I did…(whatever I was going to say I forget). Even before I got to the word “Sorry” I heard her say to me…
“Coryelle, no regrets!”
Every time I started to tell her that I was sorry for some small thing that I had done or not done in the past with her that I deemed below standard, I heard her say “No regrets.”
Then as the sun started to come into the room, she said this to me…
“Regrets keep you away from the beings in this world that you love, regrets make that time spent together less important, less meaningful, no regrets Coryelle don’t make our time together less important and less wonderful than it was”.
I stopped immediately she was right!
Regrets, should haves, and doubt taint the relationships that we have. I live my life today knowing that everything, all of it, was for a reason.
I regret nothing that P.C. and I shared in our 15 years together.
This does not mean that I don’t miss her, that I don’t think about her often, it simply means “No regrets”
I will always love you little girl now and forever.