Please read It Started with a Secret, to know the beginning of my story.
There is a very good chance that this post will make some of my existing clientele uncomfortable, so much so that I may lose some of you as clients. Let me first say that “that’s ok”, I always say that a person needs to do what feels right for them, not for any other reason.
There may be some of my clients who may feel that I’m not the Coryelle that they’ve come to know, that who I am now is too radical, too raw or simply too much for them to process right now; and again I say “that’s ok”.
So this is your turning away point; the chance to walk away right now, because from here on out I will be talking about things like sensuality, sexuality and other heavier topics and how delving into them has transformed my life, both past, present and future.
If reading about such things makes you uncomfortable, then I’m giving you a chance now to stop reading, to walk away (unfriend or unfollow me on FB or my blog if you need to) so that you can remember me in a light that serves you without any judgements from me.
Because after you read this you won’t ever see me as the same Coryelle that you knew. I know after the weekend I just had, that I certainly don’t.
For those who want to board my train of self-discovery, welcome aboard! Find your seat, STRAP in (or strap on if that’s your thing 😉 ), hold on because it’s going to be one hell of a fucking wild ride!
So, this is my secret, I’m a VERY sexual/sensual/kinky person.
But I didn’t know how much until I began to get ready to go to a life changing event that my good friend Anne More, told me about. Anne had been asking me to go before this event for a while and every time I would immediately say “NO!” because I wasn’t ready for my two worlds (private and professional) to even come CLOSE to meeting.
But this time, this time when she asked I said “YES!” because that morning of the day she asked me I made a promise to the Universe to say “Yes!” to my life, and the Universe being what she/he is, told me to put my promise to the test.
Also because living with the secret of being a sexual being became so painful for me to hold in anymore. I had hit the glass ceiling of what I could explore on my own, and although in the beginning it felt freeing and great and safe to do it alone, it quickly became confining, frustratingly limited and even shameful. I needed help to explore who I was as a sexual being in a safe, supported and loving environment, I needed to bring this out into the open and this event was it.
It was called Path To Passion and this event was put together by an amazing woman called Jaiya and her husband Ian. Their mission is to bring the erotic and sexuality out in the open, helping to empower people not to be ashamed of their sexualities & sensualities but instead to learn how to own them, embrace them and be them in all the facets of their lives.
Still with me or do you need a moment? Take all the time you need, maybe stop for a bit and come back to this when you feel like it’s a better time, as I said at that start of this, my secret, just like many other things in my life aren’t small, it’s go big or go home for this girl, even with secrets apparently. 🙂
Before going on any further I should talk about the Blueprints, the blueprints are the backbone of Jaiya’s work, there are 5 of them and they are Energetic, Sensual, Sexual, Kinky & Shapeshifter. My good friend Anne More explains each very well on her site. Read more about the blueprints.
The first real epiphany about who I was came when I took the quiz on Jaiya’s site. I was finally able to give what I was feeling a name and it was Kinky.
You may want to giggle at that and that’s ok, but when I saw the results come up on the screen, I felt happy!
You see, I never had a word for it, I didn’t really know what it was that I wanted in my sexual life, I just knew what I was getting was fine but it wasn’t enough. I didn’t have the vocabulary to describe what I needed. It’s like when you have someone’s name or a word on the tip of your tongue and it drives you mad to try to find it, you know that it’s right there, but you can’t reach it. That was what it was for me only on a much more intense bodily level.
Do you get it now, how challenging it was to know that you are something but to have no idea what that something was? I was trying to find the words almost my entire life, and it was always out of reach, until I took that quiz.
Jaiya’s quiz became the key to the cage I was locked inside.
And so, the journey began, I went to the conference and at one point shared out loud to a group of over 500 people who I was and how lonely, scared, frustrated and sad I was, I shared with them how I felt free for the first time and I thanked Jaiya and Ian and the rest of the P2P crew and the people who attended for their loving energy that supported me. Even if they didn’t know me, they loved me, and I thanked them all for being my tribe.
I should say that your Blueprints can change, I began this journey as 33% kinky and my shapeshifter was 8%, but by the end of the event my shapeshifter had emerged and she left the event being 28% (a 20% increase, once again I show that I don’t do things little 😉 ).
I’m now a Shapeshifter/Kinky/Sexual/Energetic
I left the conference the happiest, and the more peaceful that I’ve ever felt in my ENTIRE life. I now know who I am on a primal level, it answers SO many questions about what I need and needed in my past sexual life. I used to think I just wasn’t a sexual person, that it was my fault that I couldn’t feel pleasure the way I wanted to, If I only could shut off my mind, or if I could only relax more, or if I did this or did that. I twisted myself into whatever the man I was with wanted, I did everything I could to please HIM because I thought in pleasing them that I would find pleasure for myself. And I did, but not nearly enough. Now I see clearly why and what I need for the future.
It not only explains who I am sexually but also privately and professionally, a shapeshifter doesn’t do things half measure, they driven and they dive in big, they want to live life in a big way, they want to bring things to this world in a way no one has before!
Sound like anyone you know? 🙂
It brings my worlds together in a way I didn’t know was even possible.
I’m a being who enjoys the connections of the sensual, the sexual, the energetic and the yes, the kinky and I’m no longer making apologies for being who I am.
I came into this saying to myself “all I want is to bring light to what’s come to be the dark corners of my life, I want to bring all of who I am into that light so that can be unafraid to allow the world to see all of Coryelle. I don’t want to be ashamed and scared anymore” A man who interviewed me for a testimonial for the P2P event was a huge confirmation for me. After I had walked away he came to find me and he said “Your light shone through every single word you spoke back there, it was incredibly beautiful to watch you.”
I began to cry. He has just given me the gift of confirmation that what I wanted had come to pass, I let the light shine into the dark corners of me, I was completely and totally free!
Once again thank you to all those who participated in the P2P event, thank you to the coaches (like my fried Anne More) who were there for us this weekend with their loving support. To Jaiya and Ian, words can’t truly express what you’ve done for me, a thank you doesn’t seem nearly enough, but it’s all I have; so thank you both, I will always love and appreciate you both what you’ve done for me.
So that’s it, this is who I am and stating it aloud makes me incredibly happy and relieved, maybe my truth will help someone else come out of the Kink Closet (or one of the other blueprints). I hope that it does, but if it doesn’t I still needed to speak my truth so I could finally be free.